Jeans are perhaps the most overpriced item in all of the history of the world of clothes... ok so I've seen some thongs that are equally overpriced... but you wouldn't catch me dead in a thong!
Jeans to me are like the plague... I love to wear them... but I HATE to buy them. My rule on jeans is simple... if the number behind the dollar sign is "2" or higher then they stay on the hanger. That is unless the "2" is immediately followed by a decimal point... which trust me... doesn't exist!
Recently I had a rather brilliant idea. As I noticed that my closet jean selection was down to 2 I decided it was time to do the evil deed and purchase that third pair.
Now understand that down to two pairs of jeans for me is like telling a woman she only needs two pair of shoes... things like that just don't go over to well!
To further complicate my issues, one pair of my jeans is about 2 inches to short and are require that I sag the rear end a little more than I'm comfortable.
The other pair are something I found at Kohl's this past summer for $14... heck you can't beat $14 jeans!
The only problem is that I failed to understand the term "low cut" jeans. For me, I figured that this was something to do with the legs... perhaps even the crotch... I don't exactly enjoy feeling the crotch of my jeans! So low cut... heck yeah... bring those bad boys on!
Did I mention that I'm not overly excited about dressing rooms? I stay out of them... much like I stay out of thongs! This has led to a few issues over the years... most of which have been minor hiccups on my road of fashion. This time it really bit me in the butt... I mean like a rottweiler bite! Low cut actually means that from the crotch to the belt loops the jeans actually have less material... DANG.
My rear end isn't quite as slender as it once was and I'm not implying that it's shapely... it's just there!
I thought they only made low cut jeans for girls so that they could show off their thong? (wow not really sure why I keep bringing up thongs?) Guys are meant to have regular cut jeans... I ain't got nothing back their that I'm looking to show off!
To make matter's worse, the only store I have bought jeans at in the last 6-7 years is called Saver's... which specializes in used jeans and a lot of other garage sale items. It's not exactly American Eagle!
With all this drama, I decided that I would elevate my jean shopping experience by utilizing the single greatest internet website of the decade, Ebay!
After a great deal of browsing, I came upon a pair of Silver Tabs. If your not familiar with Silver Tabs, let me just say that they're like the best jean Levi EVER invented! At the time the jeans were up for only $2.50... that's like stealing candy from a baby!
So I did the math... I could bid $13 and with the $6.80 shipping fee I'd be at $19.80 and under that $20 window. DONE! I ended up with the winning bid of $12.50 and feeling very proud of my purchase!
That was until about 3:40 today. That's when I opened the mail to discover these...
Now I know what your thinking! They do look pretty good! Upon closer inspection I noticed a little surprise...
Darn it. Looks like a five foot four inch crack dealer wore out the bottoms running from the LAPD on COPS.
Just my luck. Maybe I should just stick to buying thongs?
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