Booger Beads and Super Dad!

When your child has something wrong with them all's you want to do is fix it. And quick.

Maybe they fell playing in the yard.

Perhaps they pinched their finger in the door.

They might have even touched something hot.

Any way you slice it... when your kid is hurting, you do what you can to fix it or to comfort them through the hurt.

I'm no different! I hate hearing my kids cry, especially if it's an "I'm really hurt" cry. It eats at me. It pains me. It even frightens me as I realize there is little I can truly to do help them.

Last Wednesday was a different story!

I officially inserted myself into the "super dad" category! (ok, not really, everyone knows you have to be nominated for this category!)

It was about 8:30 Wednesday night and I was looking forward to my last hour of class so that I could jet home and maybe catch Aundrea and Tristan before they went to bed!

It's important to at least say goodnight to your own kids! Especially when you haven't seen them all day!

Samantha called (crying) to tell me that Aundrea had a "bead up her nose".

"A what?"

"A bead."

"Seriously?" (I'm laughing)

"Seriously." (She's not laughing)

"What kind of bead?"

"A bead... does the kind matter?"

"Well just have her blow her nose!"

"I did... I did... it just won't come out... what should I do?" (crying)

"I don't know"

(At this point I wanted to say... "Weren't you watching her?" but any self respecting husband knows that a question like that is enough to send any wife into full blown hysteria... good thing I didn't ask that question!)

"Weren't you watching her?"

"%$#@ *&%$ @D#% $#@* &%$ @D#% $#@* &%$@ D#%$ #@*& %$@% $#@* &%$@"

"Ok, ok let me call you back!" (click)

(this was yet another mistake... never, never, never ever hang up on a crying wife... correction... a crying, angry wife)

(I "quickly" assess the situation... and hit the green button)

"Ok, I'm coming home, put an ice pack on her face, rock her and just try and have her relax" (this was brilliant... at this point Samantha is thinking that I just might have a plan!)

"WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I PUT AN ICE PACK ON HER FACE? ARE YOU THE DUMBEST PERSON IN THE WORLD?"

"Look, I know what I'm doing!" (This was said with extra gusto to prove that I know exactly how to handle this situation!)

"I'm calling someone who actually knows what to do."

"Good idea! See you in twenty minutes" (Boy am I happy to be a MAN!)

(Arriving at home)

"Daddy is here... let's see what the problem is"

"The problem is she has a bead up her nose... I told you this already"

"Right, well... where's my flashlight?"

"We're taking her to the hospital"

"When?"

"Right now... Brandon the nurse said that if you stick something up there your going to make it worse. Do you really wanna take that chance?"

"Um, no! But I gotta see this!" (ok so I didn't quite say it like a forty year old surfer smoking pot... but I sounded pretty dumb!)

(Out to the garage... I'm trying to find one of my ten flashlights... waiting... more waiting... flashlight found in the dog's cage... probably time to organize... maybe I could build a really big shelf... I wonder what kind of price I could get on a 2x4... man I hate Home Depot... that place stinks... stinks... nose... Aundrea... bead... crap... I wanna look at this bead in Aundrea's nose... focused!)

"Ok, lay down here little girl let's see what you have up there" (it's always important to provide your child with all the confidence you can muster when they have something up their nose!)

"Daddy, I have a beeeed up my nose" (This came out pretty nasally)

"Right. Ok, well let's see what color it is!

"RED" (Samantha, Aundrea, Tristan, Angel and Daisy seemed to yell this in unison)

"Hmm... well, you absolutely have a red bead up your nose"

"I told you daddy." (more nasally sound)

"I think I can get to that!"

"Brandon, we're going to the hospital"

"Give me a chance!"

(Time to head back to the garage... wait a minute... what could I possibly have in the garage that would help me get a bead out of my daughter's nose? Miter saw? Nah, to messy! Vise grips? Nah... to clumsy! What about the air compressor? Sweet idea! I'll put the nozzle in one nostril and blow the bead out of the other nostril! Genius!)

"Samantha, this will be awesome!"

"Brandon, your a dumby." (crying) "Your going to blow compressed air in our daughters nose? Won't you pop her ear drums?" (a lot of crying)

"Hmm... good point." (once in a while... as a man... it's important that we give our wife a little time to do some creative thinking... this seemed like an appropriate time to me)

(Back to the garage... Hmm... Blow torch? We could melt the plastic bead! Nah... she won't hold still long enough. Allen wrench? Nah... to uncomplicated. At this point a little tool catches my eye, it's perfect for this job... a paperclip! Back inside.)

"Brandon, let's go to the hospital"

"I got this" (more confidence)

"You might be the dumbest person I know" (she might be right)

"Hold her down!"

"Are you kidding?"

"Hold her down"

"Daddy... NOOOOO"

"Trust me" (Or don't if you ever want to smell pizza again)

In goes the paperclip.

The crying starts again... first Aundie... then Samantha... then Tristan... finally me.

Deeper goes the paper clip.

The screaming starts... first me...then Tristan... then Samantha... and finally Aundie.

"I got it"

"YOU DON'T HAVE IT"

(Here goes nothing)

Out pops the paper clip... right behind a red bead... and followed by snotty blood.

Success!

Crown me Super Dad!

All is right in the world of Brandon and Samantha.

"I knew you could do it!" (Really?)

I love my family.